Oh...hi.

Based on the beginning of my last post, yes, you've got it right. Gavin has not slept in almost 4 months!

Well, most days it just feels that way.

No one said this would be easy, but dang...no one can truly prepare you for your child morphing into the devil incarnate after being an absolute angel 20 seconds earlier. Somehow I was also unprepared for the 4:00-6:00am playtime parties. And the way your baby can go from "oh cute, he's starting to crawl!" to "get away from the stroller wheels/laptop cords/toilet bowl!" in about 2 days. All of a sudden, after having some of his cutest moments staring up at me from the change table, he now seems to think his clothes are made of shards of glass and screams accordingly. Instead of laughing at the slight leakage of a poo-splosion, we've now seen a true Poomageddon....more than once. And sleep? Well. It's as if we lit his mattress on fire before gently placing him on it each night.

Busy, tired, drained, exhausted....

And then after yet another night of hourly wakeups and sleeping in a puddle of puke (if you're lucky enough that it's not something from the other end), you wake up and do it all over again. With a smile on your face and enough makeup slapped on that you look somewhat ALIVE.

Sigh.

So what have we been up to? Well....

Gavin turned 5 months old.

He rolls from his back to tummy often. He likes playing with his toys but only for a few minutes before getting bored and needing to move on to something more interesting. He started speaking in a "smokers whisper" and expressing his delight with a loud inhale noise. Everything he gets his hands on went in his mouth (including his hands...and feet). He loves his blankies, but also likes putting them over his face, loves when Daddy dances and sings for him and still loves to eat.

We went to Europe. Barcelona, Montpellier, Lyon, Montreux, Florence, Tuscany. It was heaven. What I wouldn't give for a glass of Cava, a Lyonnaise salad and a heaping plate of pasta right about now.

Gavin was the perfect traveler, slept on the plane (better than at home!), napped in the stroller while on the go, smiled for the camera, fed anywhere and everywhere and loved the freedom of no carseat on the trains!

He scratched the rocks of Roman ruins in Old Lyon, had his first foods (avocado, banana) in our condo in Switzerland, cut his first tooth in Tuscany, rocked his hat and jacket in the mountains, his tank top and bathing suit in Barceloneta and got compliments on his sunglasses wherever we went. We chose the PERFECT time to go. Not that the trip was without complications, but traveling with a 5 month old was easier than we thought and we would recommend it to anyone. Hey, if he doesn't sleep at home, you might as well not sleep in a Tuscan villa!

Gavin turned 6 months old. He eats lots of different foods (loves apples and sweet potato) and eating is easier with SIX teeth. Peekaboo is an all-time fave, especially with Daddy when he gets home. Storytime involved slapping and scrunching pages instead of reading. The right leg stomp becomes a real phenomenon. Seriously, he will not stand without stomping. Bangs toys and hands on the floor and high chair and "scratches" everything, especially different textures. The hatred of putting a shirt on begins and he will fight you to the death if you try to pick his nose.


Gavin's first wedding and first Halloween! Now, isn't that the cutest Peter Pan you ever did see?

Special thanks to Baby Gap for the most adorable wedding outfit ever (that bowtie!) and to a very special Nana for her crafting of Pan's outfit and hat :)

Gavin turned 7 months. Heavens above, he is getting too big! He is eating like a champ, but still loves to nurse (especially all.night.long). His favourite food is pears and he loves beef and sipping water from a cup (with help). On Thanksgiving weekend, he started inching forward and now he has the fastest army crawl around and is getting into EVERYTHING. Cords, dirty stroller wheels, the shower curtain and toilet are among his favourite conquests. Peekaboo almost always gets a laugh, he has tickly toes, and he likes sitting way up high on Daddy's shoulders. Teething has become a NIGHTMARE and our normally happy boy has a very split personality that turns on a dime. He is getting better at sleeping in his crib for naps and at the beginning of the night but much prefers to sleep with Mommy and Daddy for most of the night (which happens every night so we can all get some precious sleep!). For Christmas, Gavin is wishing for anything hard to bite on and a room full of cords, Daddy is wishing for a queen sized bed and Mommy is wishing for 3+ hours of consecutive sleep.

Four Months

I think the mark of blog frequency can be directly related to baby's sleep. Baby doesn't sleep = Mommy doesn't blog. Also, Mommy can blame no one but herself for lack of discipline.

From little sleep to daily chores to fitness classes to summer weekends away to going on trips to packing for next trips....let's just say things have been a bit busy. I could say that we've fallen into somewhat of a routine, but that would probably mean it will change again tomorrow so let's not even bother. Just as soon as it seems we have something figured out with our little man, he throws us the next curve ball. I just wish he would SLEEP. I should be grateful for the sleep we do get, but it would be really really REALLY nice after 4 months to be able to sleep more than 2-3 hours consecutively. One of these days...

Gavin has changed SO much, even just over the past few weeks. He is so much more interactive and playful, and is such a happy little guy (most of the time).

I really do want to write a few posts about what has been going on with us (I know, broken record), so we'll see how much I can squeeze in in the next 2 weeks because then.....

We. Leave. For. EUROPE.

That's right. Twenty five days of Europe travel is looming as our departure date RAPIDLY approaches. And I haven't started packing. Not that I don't have about 57 lists in my head of what/how to pack.... We'll get there.

Anyways! Here is a little peek at Gavin in his 4 months of glory!

LIKES: ATTENTION, eating, loooves the water - bath time or pool time, stories with Daddy, being out and about with Mommy, being outside, pulling grass, chewing his blankies, folding his hands, seeing himself in the mirror, pulling hair

DISLIKES: waking up (man, he is MAD sometimes after his naps!), diaper changes in the night, car rides when not in the mood, Mommy picking his nose, getting stuck on his tummy after rolling, Daddy's loud outbursts (we had a major cry after Daddy let out a "HA!" at the tv...).

ACTIVITIES: rolling over ALL the time from back to tummy, holds toys on his own to play with, always grabs/chews his blankies, sitting up with little support, lots of "talking" with different sounds and loud growls, goes to lots of classes with Mommy (yoga, carrier fit, mama group, pilates), everything in his hands gets in his mouth, going longer between feedings, will sometimes nap in crib, lots and lots of smiles and some giggles when we tickle his toes!

Three Months

Our teeny baby boy is now a chubby 3 month old! He is changing and developing every day! He is totally focused now, on our faces, the toys on his play mat and his new crib mobile. For the most part he is a pretty smiley boy...other than when it's time for pictures!

This little man is a MOVER. He kicks like crazy in his bed in the morning, kicks while on his play mat, kicks me while feeding... His arms aren't totally under control it seems as they flail everywhere too! He waves his little fists around constantly, sometimes bashing himself in the face. He doesn't mind.

Outfit change for Canada Day (...and because he pooped through the first one before we were done photos.)

Gavin at 3 months:

Likes: morning awake time, Daddy's singing and story time, looooves bath time (kicks like crazy!), Carrier Fit class, chewing his fist, chewing one finger, chewing Mommy or Daddy's finger

Dislikes: middle of the night diaper changes, Mommy picking his nose, thunder (or just the one really loud boom that woke him up), being alone, too much time in the car

Activities: goes to yoga, pilates and Carrier Fit class with Mommy, goes for weekend morning walks in the carrier with Daddy, really liking the sound of his own voice and sometimes gets LOUD when "talking", had his FIRST GIGGLES at Nana in the car, his first trip to the beach and rolled from his back to side to tummy on his play mat!

First Timer!

We have a first this morning... I came back from a dentist appointment (Daddy worked from home to stay with Gav) and found a sleepy boy being put down in his big crib. It's a slight miracle to get him to sleep on his own in his little co-sleeper in our room, let alone his full sized crib! He sleeps best while being worn in the wrap or carrier out and about, in the stroller, or next to me at night in our bed. But our boy is now napping in his big crib! He looks SO tiny in it!

A perfect example of how things go according to GAVIN'S plans, not ours! I had every intention of racing back from the dentist, loading him in the car and rushing to get to a Carrier Fit class. I went last week and it was awesome, and want to make sure to go to as many classes as possible with Baby & Me Fitness (check out photos of yours truly in action on the website, and in the video!)  But when I saw that he was actually falling asleep in his crib, after an unusually rough night last night, I thought, just let him be. I could have woken him, stuck him in the carseat which would inevitably cause him to get upset, race to the class which I would have been late for anyway, pay for parking, collect all his stuff, stick him in the carrier and get us both hot and sweaty in class..... Or, I could let him sleep.

He keeps "startling" with his arms flailing, but it's too warm for a full swaddle and I want to see if he is able to stay asleep through a bit of noise from outside and his own movements. I'll save the vacuuming for later.

..........

Aaand he's up. Solid 20 mins Gav. Good effort. Sigghhh...

Little Gentleman

This boy already has such a little personality. Sometimes it can be heartwarmingly adorable...sometimes it can downright make your ears bleed. One of the most frequent comments I've heard from friends and admirers of Gavin is "he has so many expressions!" He has quite the expressive little face, and it's hilarious to imagine what he must be thinking with each raise or furrow of his eyebrows.

I think we have a sensitive little guy on our hands as well. From the perspective of Dr. Karp's The Happiest Baby, Sensitive babies are wide-eyed and super-alert; their reactions to the world are as transparent and pure as crystal. But like crystal, sensitive infants may be fragile and require extra care. They are so open to everything around them they can easily become overloaded. Even their own cries even nudge them into stronger screams.

Well, hello Gavin! Wide-eyed and super-alert?

Check.

He is even starting to get more "distracted" while nursing, which I can see turning into a nightmare the older, bigger and more aware he becomes. If only he would be so kind as to detach himself before whiplashing his head back at the slightest noise!

That last part of describing Mr. Sensitive is usually what happens in the car. He'll be fed, changed and totally happy...until the click of the carseat straps. A few cries usually follow, which sometimes are soothed when we start to drive. But other times, those early cries quickly escalate and become full on wails and it's next to impossible to calm him with anything other than taking him out of the seat. There should be a "screaming baby" fast lane on every road to save mothers' sanity.

I find myself wondering a lot about how his temperament now will shape his personality. If he does turn out to be a fairly sensitive young lad, will he be shy? Will he get his feelings hurt easily? Will he make friends easily or prefer to play by himself? It will be crazy to see our little baby mature and become his own little person, with whatever his personality may be. Time will tell...and I'm in no hurry.

Need For Speed

I had this post ready AGES ago and never posted it. He looks so teeny in these photos! 

This boy likes to MOVE. Like constantly. It's actually getting to be somewhat comical. He loves when Daddy holds him while bouncing on the exercise ball....but heaven forbid he should stop.

Same in the car, which is a bit more stressful. He could be totally passed out in his carseat while booting along at a good speed. Come to a stop sign/light/get stopped in traffic or construction? NO THANK YOU. He will be a perfect angel in the stroller while running errands. Stop to check out with your purchases and cue the crying! No rest for us with Mr. Need for Speed!

Running errands at the mall. Zzzzzzz....

Going to meet Daddy on his way home from work. Not overly impressed.

Waiting in the elevator. Really not impressed.

Two Months

Where have two months gone! I feel like a typical mom, always talking about how fast time is going and how fast my little baby is growing!

Gavin is smiling more and making lots of the most adorable coos. He's starting to have much more happy awake time. In the morning, after a feeding, he'll lie in his co-sleeper and smile and coo for a bit while I bring myself to wake up, make the bed and hopefully get myself ready for the day before he gets tired of that and starts crying. After a diaper change, the past few days he's been ok to sit in his new Mamaroo while I get some breakfast. Breakfast is usually interrupted by him getting tired of the chair and needing a cuddle or to eat again. He usually naps around 10:30, and the length depends on where he sleeps! If he's in the stroller, constantly moving, he'll sleep for ages. If he's in the wrap around home, he'll sleep for an hour. If he's on my chest, usually less than an hour. And if, heaven forbid, I lay him in his bed...I can maybe get 10 minutes. I really need to start putting him down more often to get him used to napping in his bed, but it's GREAT that he can nap well, if not better, on the go.

The rest of the day is off and on with eating, napping and playing during happy awake time. We've started to try to get a better evening routine started, with stories with Daddy when he gets home and while I make dinner, a bath every other night, swaddle, nurse and bed around 9:00. He's usually sleeping at least 2 hour stretches at night, but it's hard to keep track when I just bring him in bed to nurse and we both fall asleep! Yes, maybe we should be more diligent about putting him back in his bed, but realistically, if we're both sleeping, that's good enough for me!

Likes: EATING, kicking his legs, waving fists, sucking on fists, feeling soft things on his face (likes having his mouth wiped after spitting up?! but hates all other forms of grooming), Mommy's voice, Daddy's stories, sleeping in the wrap, long stroller rides (with NO stops of course) and BATH TIME! Has been having baths in the big tub with Mommy and absolutely loves the water...but hates getting out and being cold.

Dislikes: Gas, car rides on occasion (has screamed his voice hoarse a few times), Mommy grooming him, Daddy's loud nose blowing (has been so loud and scary that he's cried a few times!), middle of the night diaper changes, being alone for too long

Activities: loves kicking on his mat and is starting to reach for/hit the hanging toys, likes sitting in his Mamaroo a bit more (kicks the frame hard!), liking tummy time more - very curious, always wide-eyed looking around, especially at things on the wall, drooling a bit when sucking on his fist, sometimes has huge burps after feeding, still will fall asleep fairly easily in wrap when tired and still likes being bounced on the ball when upset

On Gav's actual 2 month birthday, we were in Tillsonburg, so again, the photos were a few days after. Apparently he was all smiled out as I couldn't get a single grin the whole time!

Even tried changing his outfit, but he would not be fooled.

He has started sucking on his fist A LOT, drooling more, and will suck on his forearm so hard he gives himself massive hickeys and makes us look like abusive parents.

Most of the photo shoot went like this with sticker ripping and that "why are you doing this to me?!" face.

The closest thing to a smile. Next month maybe...

One Month...One Month Later.

Wow, I'm bad at this. Can you tell we have a little man who is quite attached to his mama and prefers sleeping in arms than in his bed? There has not been much hands free time around here. But that's no excuse. I've said it before, but I guess there's no harm in saying it again...I VOW TO BLOG MORE! I'm getting really upset with myself because I really wanted this blog to be about the little things...jotting down those little every day things so I don't forget.

Little things like the way I caught Gavin's first smile on video on his one month birthday. The way he can make me laugh out loud at 3am by ripping the biggest toot. The way I completely melt at the look on his face when he's finished nursing, whips his head back, clears his throat and settles back into me, completely content.

Or the not-so-heart melting times of screaming so hard in the car his voice went hoarse for 3 days. Or when he decided that half hour catnaps are the way to go and crying the rest of the day is a good past time.

But LOOK HOW CUTE HE IS.

Our one month photos were a few days after his one month birthday since these stickers we ordered from Etsy took longer to arrive. He was practicing his smiling after showing us the first one on May 1st!

And then there were the outtakes...

The Typical Gavin

The "I'm too cute for my own good" Gavin

The Sneezy Gavin

The Sassy Gavin

One Month

It's crazy that our little man is one month old... He has changed so much! We ordered some super cute monthly birthday stickers, but of course they got delayed in the mail and still haven't arrived! So for now, here's an update on our one month old little boy!

Likes: eating, eating, bath time (usually), eating, sleeping on Mommy or Daddy, eating, being bounced on the exercise ball with Daddy, most stroller rides, eating, Daddy's singing, and eating.

Dislikes: being hungry, stop lights, stop signs, construction or anything that causes the car to stop moving, his manly toots, gas of any nature.

Activities: starting to focus more, lots of kicking, lifting head when lying on someone's chest or shoulder, we caught one legit smile on video, and lots of cooing!

Mr. Serious

Our boy has a bit of a discerning look.

He didn't even seem impressed on Opening Day in his Jays onesie.

Serious listening to music.

Serious having a bath.

Very skeptical of Great Grandpa

Seems unimpressed with his dinner.

And wasn't pleased about turning one month old.

Lighten up, Gav.

Gavin's Birth Day

Dear Gavin,

It has been 20 whole days since you were born. You have already changed SO much! You fill every single day with so much fun and entertainment for us - especially watching your crazy expressions! Every time I sit with you sound asleep in my arms, I think about writing this, your birth story, and it seems overwhelming. How can you put an experience like that into words? That could be why it's taken your procrastinating mama so long to get around to writing this. It's hard to know how to describe the feeling of becoming a mother, and it's difficult to go back and relive the scary parts of your birth. But I want to try to remember every detail of that day and these weeks since as they are already going by too fast. Here is the story of your Birth Day.

Love, your mama


We had big plans for Easter Weekend, as we do with almost every holiday. Lots of running around, trying to spend time with both our families, meaning lots of time in the car. Our Easter plans kicked off Thursday night when we made the trek to Guelph. We threw our "hospital bag" and midwife binder in the car, just in case. Before leaving the city, I participated in a Baby & Me Fitness class (bebo mia just purchased the company with plans for tons of new, great classes - can't wait to now try out the postnatal classes!). The class was Bootcamp Bellies, and man, was I in for a workout! I wish I'd been doing classes like that all along, in addition to yoga and Aqua Bellies, which I made it to a few times. You can check out a photo of me during the class on the new Baby & Me website!

We made it to Good Friday church in Guelph and then headed to Tillsonburg for my family's Easter dinner that night. I had been feeling somewhat crampy sporadically throughout the day for about a week at this point, so when it happened again that afternoon, it was nothing out of the ordinary, and was such a nice day that Eric and I went for a bit of a walk. It was great seeing my family and talking about how soon things would happen. My grandma even got out a needle and thread for the old wives tale gender test. Result of this experiment: Boy!

It was great to have some downtime at home on Saturday and squeeze in a visit with my best friend as well. Looking back on these photos, I was looking pretty huge! The plan was to go to Easter Sunday church in Tillsonburg and then head back to Guelph for lunch and get back to the city after that. Turns out, we never made it to brunch....

Saturday night, I had a nice long bath and went to bed fairly early. Then, around 2:00am, I woke up with what felt like gas pains. I went to the bathroom, then back to bed, thinking it would pass. Then a few minutes later, I felt the cramp again. And again a few minutes later. After timing them for a bit, they came and went consistently every 4-5 minutes. By 3:00 I figured maybe I should tell Eric and fully expected him to say we should wait until the morning and see how things went. Once I told him, he was out of bed, glasses on, saying we should get going! We ended up waking my mom to tell her and she decided to come back to Toronto with us, as this was looking more and more like the real thing as the pains continued every few minutes while we were getting ready. About 4:00 and we were on the road, ready for a long and very uncomfortable drive (with lots of bathroom stops!). My mom kept saying that with how frequent the contractions were at that point, I would probably have a short labour like her and baby may be born before noon! I wish!

Once we got back to Toronto, I went straight to bed to see if I could get some rest. We turned on the Hypnobirthing CD and it definitely helped me relax, but the surges (Hypnobirthing lingo for contraction) were still about 5 minutes apart so I would barely start to drift off to sleep and another would come and wake me back up. Pretty frustrating as I could have really used a bit more sleep, especially now knowing what was to come. We had called both our midwife and doula when we got to Toronto to let them know and our doula, Emilee, arrived here around 9:30. Confession time: in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, Eric and I had really started to debate whether we needed a doula or not. Even though I work with bebo mia and totally recognize the benefits, we figured we already had our midwives and my mom as support and was it really worth the cost to have yet another person there when maybe we could get by on our own. BIG MISTAKE for even letting that thought enter our minds, and THANK HEAVENS we stuck with our plan. Having Emilee's presence and support through almost my entire labour was incredible. She was constantly by my side to offer words of support or rub my back and when things intensified near the end, her voice was always in my ear, encouraging me and motivating me to keep going. Truly invaluable support.

My early labour lasted about 18 hours. Things were fairly steady the whole time, I kept trying to eat and drink even though I did NOT feel like it, we did some stairs, I rolled on the ball, curled up in a ball, and generally got more exhausted as the day went on. Once evening rolled around, I had my first doubts on how much longer I could do this. I had no idea how far along I was or how many more hours I had to go, and I think I finally started saying that if things kept going at this pace, I really didn't know how long I would last. Luckily my surges finally started coming a bit closer together and once they were 3 minutes apart for an hour, my midwife Sara was called and arrived. She asked if I'd like to be checked, and I remember being so conflicted. I know that frequent progress checks can sometimes slow things down or just be really discouraging, but at that point I needed to know where things stood. Turns out I was 6 cm! Had I been 5 or less, I would have been really discouraged. From the time Sara arrived, things really started to speed up. All in all, my active labour was only about 3.5 hours. It felt like my body had all of a sudden taken off without me and I was just trying to keep up. Sara also started my IV antibiotics as I had tested positive for Group B strep, and we decided that we would go ahead with the antibiotics. I was able to stay on top of the surges and focus on breathing through them....until my water broke.

Things were getting pretty intense at that point, as this was only about 45 minutes before birth. All of a sudden, I felt a gush of fluid and said something about my water breaking. Both Eric and my mom must have just heard "water" because they both started looking for my water bottle, until I shouted, "No, my water broke!". Sara warned me that the first two surges after my water broke would be the most intense....and she was right. From then on, the surges were SO much stronger and SO close together. The other thing that changed was the almost immediate urge to push. Each surge had a definite "wave" pattern. I was able to pant through the first part to try to keep from pushing, but as soon as the surge hit it's peak, my body was pushing and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Sara said that I was almost fully dilated except for one cervical lip, and I should try not to push against it. Emilee and my mom would help me try to breathe and pant through each surge to keep from pushing, but it was impossible. At the peak of the surge, my body would push, fluid would gush out, and I would be trying to fight against it. Around this time, my backup midwife Alicia had arrived and she gave me an oxygen mask to try to regulate my breathing. And then came the heart rate check....

They had been monitoring baby's heart rate fairly consistently, but this time when they checked, it was the scariest sound to hear how slow each beat was. They immediately had me switch positions and get on my hands and knees to check again, which I think made the heart rate increase, but not by enough. This was probably when Sara told me that they were calling EMS for backup. From this point on, things are a bit of a blur in my memory, but certain things stick out so clearly that I will never forget. Sara checked me again, but after those heart rate checks, she looked me in the eye and everything had changed. She said the baby's heart rate was too low and I needed to get him out, NOW. That cervical lip still hadn't dilated, but she said she would have to hold it out of the way and I would need to push past it. I will never forget her looking at me and saying "you need to push as hard as you can, as long as you can, as much as you can, and get him out NOW." I was absolutely terrified, but so completely exhausted. I think I almost went into autopilot at that point. We knew that our original plan for pushing was to do things very naturally and gently, with Sara's direction on when to push and when not to push. Not any more. She told me to pull my knees back, put my chin to my chest, hold my breath and PUSH as hard as I could, and when I couldn't push anymore, keep going a little longer.

When I started pushing, I was pushing so hard I truly thought baby would come shooting out. Not the case. It took FOREVER to even get past that cervical lip. I quickly became very aware of how completely exhausted I was. No matter what my intentions were, every time I started pushing, my body would give out so quickly, and I started to get really worried that I just wouldn't be able to keep going. I started pushing on my back, but things just weren't happening fast enough and got really scary when Sara started making changes, saying that we had to get the baby out as quickly as possible. They brought in a birth stool which I ended up sitting on on top of the bed, leaning all my weight back against Eric. With the added bonus of gravity, again I thought it would be no time at all before baby came right out. Again, not the case. Three firefighters and two paramedics arrived at this point, being let in and brought upstairs by my dad. I am so grateful to have had my parents there, but also feel very bad that they had to see me in that situation, and see poor little Gavin in his condition too. I remember knowing that EMS had arrived as I was on the birth stool and one of the paramedics appeared over my shoulder and asked Eric if he was ok or if he needed help holding me up. Thankfully Eric was a rock and didn't leave my side. EMS was great about staying in the background, so it never really felt like the room was crowded with people and the feel of the room was as calm as it could be given the situation. I however, was not okay at that point. As soon as I changed positions and was upright on the stool, I was seeing spots and told Sara I was about to pass out. I really don't even want to think about what would have happened if I did. Luckily they got an IV into me right away, as Emilee held my arm steady, while I was still pushing.

I think Gavin had finally started crowning when I was told to switch positions and lie on my back again. I think Sara had said around then that his heart rate had gone back up a bit, but I still needed to get him out as quickly as possible. Looking back, it was probably only a few more pushes at that point, but still felt like forever. Finally I heard Sara say that baby's head was coming out, and truly believed that he was almost here when Eric kept saying he could see dark hair. Sara told me to look but I think all I could see was a bit of the head and dark hair before I had to shut my eyes and push for the last few times. I don't have any real regrets about the whole situation, but I do wish that I remembered seeing Gavin finally come out. He was out so quickly, and Sara immediately cut his cord and they put him down on the floor to start giving him oxygen so I never even saw him. I was frantically asking if he was okay until either Sara or Alicia said he was doing alright with the oxygen. That's when I asked if it was a boy or girl, but wasn't even phased when Alicia said he was a boy...I knew it. During these first few minutes, Sara was asking for someone to give her the time of birth, and I clearly remember one of the paramedics say, "It's 12:00 exactly", meaning midnight, meaning technically one second into April 1st. I wondered afterwards if things hadn't been so chaotic if they would have let us choose his birthday, but we are happy with our April baby.

It was only about 10 minutes before Gavin was en route to the hospital with the paramedics and Sara. Eric wasn't able to go in the ambulance but that gave him a few minutes to gather some things and my dad drove him to the hospital where he didn't leave Gavin's side. I'm so thankful he was able to be there with our little man in his first few hours. I on the other hand was bed-bound at home for another 2 hours to finish off the third stage of labour and have a bit of extra time with the IV and time for recovery. I did need a few stitches but thanks to midwife support and doing our homework with massage, my perineum didn't tear. It was the most bizarre feeling to be lying in bed in a now eerily quiet condo with just Alicia, my mom and Emilee when minutes earlier there had been slight chaos and more than double the people. To be lying there without Gavin or Eric was the worst feeling. I truly just felt empty. I felt like I'd just completed the longest and most challenging marathon of life, and I was just sort of standing on the finish line with no real finale or celebration. I was very quiet at this point, not really knowing what to think and not really having much to say. My only focus was how long I had to wait and what I needed to do to get myself to the hospital to "meet" my baby. Thankfully, Emilee had taken a photo of Gavin to show me, and Eric was soon texting me from the hospital and sent a photo once Gavin was in the incubator.

I needed to wait about 2 hours before I was allowed to get up and head to the hospital. Even just getting up and walking was enough to make me lightheaded but I was determined to get to the hospital as soon as possible. Being wheeled up to Gavin's incubator was surreal...I just kept thinking that this was my baby I was going to see. He looked so tiny and uncomfortable in his little incubator, arms waving around, legs kicking...he certainly wasn't sound asleep! I reached in to touch him and all I cared about was when I could hold him. They said about 45 minutes. So for 45 minutes I sat and stared into the incubator, counting the minutes. Finally, they changed his diaper and brought him out to me. Finally having him skin to skin was such a relief, and he went from flailing around and fussing to completely calm and fell fast asleep. Now, why the nurses said I couldn't hold him more often because it would "disturb" him, I'll never know... He never seemed settled in the incubator, always startling with his hands flying around and then fussing. It wasn't very fun to watch. But those precious minutes of holding him are something I will never forget.

There is so much more to tell about our time in the hospital and our first few weeks at home, so hopefully I will be able to keep up better from now on. I'm getting used to typing with one hand as this little man EATS and EATS and EATS all day long! As tired as I get and as frustrating as it can be when he's wailing for seemingly no reason, it's all completely worth it when he looks at me with those big blue eyes.

Welcome to the world, Gavin William. We love you SO much!